how to over-come possesiveness?

[Syavash]

that is the exact problem! I am generous mostly...about everything except few that I am possessed with. So is the case with relationships. There is a person, whom I do not want to have even friends!
I want to be her only reason! only person!

that is why I am calling this Possessiveness. Control thing also gets mixes when I try to fix everything about her! and myself too!
Dont know what it is.

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It is almost impossible to even think of sharing her! Isn't it possessiveness?
Strangely, I KNOW it IS wrong! yet I have it in me.

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@Blastwave @USUF

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I apologize if I am less expressive and for my question is confusing! I really appreciate that you guys still help me!

Do you think maybe due to your past life, you are over reacting now that you have found a like minded person? possessiveness ussually hints at insecurities, not believing in yourself, failed relations or combination of the three

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^^Apathy is never the naswer, no matter how hopeless the situation may be.It can lead to total detachment from everything.Trust me.

I nearly went down that path.

 

[shahzadfootball]

that easy?? eh!! hard to let go those whom you love and, are POSSESSED about

perhaps I am making all this a monster in my mind, myself!

I know mate but if they love u back den they'll come back fr u !

 

[ikonox]

I know mate but if they love u back den they'll come back fr u !

makes sense! thanks!

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People tend to loose control too much I think, cherish what you have.

EDIT: Since you mentioned relationships, unless you're letting go, you're not REALLY in a relationship. Trust me.

ahem ahem! Point to be noted!

 

[HAMMER of THOR]

have a relationship with me... i will correct you with my whip

 

[Zeus MK]

If it's related to a "Relationship" with a girl then...
1st) It will end soon,
get together with another girl and u'l see eventually..
it will go like you never had it. (negative)
(look at my sig!)

2nd) if u r serious and are capable then marry her, make her your's once and for all so you won't have to worry about it ever (positive)

3rd) or the hard but true way, leave her, month-- year will go by and she will be banished from your thoughts once and for all.

The relationships..

Spoiler: show

Spoiler: show

Spoiler: show

Spoiler: show

Guru :wink2:

 

[Syavash]

makes sense! thanks!

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ahem ahem! Point to be noted!

how old are you by the way ?

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2nd) if u r serious and are capable then marry her, make her your's once and for all so you won't have to worry about it ever (positive)

What if you're serious and capable but not old enough right now D:

 

[ASKnASK]

I suffer from the same problem.

I need to have complete control over the person I am with. It causes so many problems that you have no idea. But I'm a stubborn person and I believe in beating things into shape (not literally ofc :tv

Its not a good thing. I believe a lack of trust and self-confidence can be major causes of this ailment.

 

[AlienX]

Whatever I own, or whomever I am in relationship with, I feel like to have full control over it! I always had it in me.

What I know is that I keep monitoring myself. And it bothers me most if I cant solve an issue that exists inside me.
Now, I do not know if I can deal my possessiveness in any way.

Does anyone has an idea about it?
Mind that I like to keep myself under-control (or I think I am doing so), I stop myself until I solve my confusions.
That is exactly the stage while I am typing this. Confused, caged in my thoughts, questioning myself.

have you seen Kung Fu Panda ?. Its a perfect example of being in control or at least the illusion of control. I used to be very posessive about my stuff but I learned that its not about quantity, its about accepting the changes around you and being part of it rather than being isolated.

remember, don't be so rigid that you become brittle and break easily, and don't be so flexible that everyone starts to take advantage of you.

These are the books you must read.

The Alchemist by Poulo Coelho
Baba Sahiba by Ashfaq Ahmed
The Zahir by Poulo Coelho
Spirits Rebellious by Khalil Jibran
who moved my Cheese
The power of positive thinking


Good luck

 

[Zeus MK]

how old are you by the way ?

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What if you're serious and capable but not old enough right now D:

If you are 18+ (Baligh).. then you are old enough.
and If u are responsible and earn an aggregate amount per month to keep your own family prosperous and safe then you are capable enough.

There is no point why a person should not marry if he fulfill both above^.
It is not only the right but also suggested and encouraged by Islam too, it saves an individual from falling into haram relationships and disastrous results..

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I suffer from the same problem.

I need to have complete control over the person I am with. It causes so many problems that you have no idea. But I'm a stubborn person and I believe in beating things into shape (not literally ofc :tv

Its not a good thing. I believe a lack of trust and self-confidence can be major causes of this ailment.

Same here, but i am an extremist..
I say do everything 'my way or leave my life'

 

[ASKnASK]

Same here, but i am an extremist..
I say do everything 'my way or leave my life'

Same here buddy. Luckily though, I've got people who can deal with that kinda attitude

 

[Zeus MK]

Same here buddy. Luckily though, I've got people who can deal with that kinda attitude

same here, have got company who 'do as i order'..
they are helpless.. they must because they can't risk losing my company

 

[ikonox]

have a relationship with me... i will correct you with my whip

you are most welcome!
hahaha you really made me laugh!

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2nd) if u r serious and are capable then marry her, make her your's once and for all so you won't have to worry about it ever (positive)

Already working on it!

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how old are you by the way ?

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What if you're serious and capable but not old enough right now D:

you have hit me on exact spot perhaps! I am 21! student of honors!

 

[ikonox]

I suffer from the same problem.

I need to have complete control over the person I am with. It causes so many problems that you have no idea. But I'm a stubborn person and I believe in beating things into shape (not literally ofc :tv

Its not a good thing. I believe a lack of trust and self-confidence can be major causes of this ailment.

then you might understand that it is not about imprisoning anyone. not making him/her myself. I just want other person to have full trust on me and give up everything on me. I am willing to do anything on this condition. I can take care, show affection, and even little things like closing chair, and opening doors too!
these are so DARK DESIRES that I have! I know it is not really realistic. that is why I am asking you all to tell me something!

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I used to be very possessive about my stuff but I learned that its not about quantity, its about accepting the changes around you and being part of it rather than being isolated.

I am happy with rest of me, change is not an issue. I keep monitoring and changing myself! its just this possessiveness-obsession! sigh!!! something in me wants a right person, instead of changing this habit!

 

[ikonox]

Same here buddy. Luckily though, I've got people who can deal with that kinda attitude

now that is some serious good-luck! to have people who can understand you! can get hidden good intention behind your apparent attitude!
good luck!
at least I have hope that one can get such people!

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Till now, I have guessed that it is only self-confidence that I need to have! :/
I surely should deal my relationships with patience if required!

 

[ASKnASK]

now that is some serious good-luck! to have people who can understand you! can get hidden good intention behind your apparent attitude!
good luck!
at least I have hope that one can get such people!

They don't always understand But they stick to me. And I make it worth their while

 

[Syavash]

then you might understand that it is not about imprisoning anyone. not making him/her myself. I just want other person to have full trust on me and give up everything on me. I am willing to do anything on this condition. I can take care, show affection, and even little things like closing chair, and opening doors too!
these are so DARK DESIRES that I have! I know it is not really realistic. that is why I am asking you all to tell me something!

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I am happy with rest of me, change is not an issue. I keep monitoring and changing myself! its just this possessiveness-obsession! sigh!!! something in me wants a right person, instead of changing this habit!

Wild guess, but maybe you are so critical of yourself and in search of perfection, you want the other person to be just as dedicated in return?

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same here, have got company who 'do as i order'..
they are helpless.. they must because they can't risk losing my company

Servants?

 

[Syavash]

They don't always understand But they stick to me. And I make it worth their while

Its not really worth YOUR whle if you learn nothing from people, is it. Seems like some awkward relationships you have there?

 

[ASKnASK]

Its not really worth YOUR whle if you learn nothing from people, is it. Seems like some awkward relationships you have there?

Learning from people doesn't necessarily involve bending over
I do compromise at times.. but I don't let people get used to it.

 

[Zeus MK]

Servants?

Precisely :wink2:..
my girl should be as loyal and obeying as my servant...
sounds a bit traditional and awkward but i go on with this strategy...
i don't get caught up by their emotions even if they cry
they just can't lose me..

 

[Syavash]

Precisely :wink2:..
my girl should be as loyal and obeying as my servant...
sounds a bit traditional and awkward but i go on with this strategy...
i don't get caught up by their emotions even if they cry
they just can't lose me..

Well what you want is what you get. Your life.