The Official PG Jokes...
- Thread starter JChang
- Start date
Lawyers...
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
The priest!
Three priests went for a hike one day.
It was very hot. They were sweating and were exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area, a group of ladies came along from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, two of the priests covered their privates, but the third one covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the first two priests asked the third why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The third replied, "I do not know about you, but I thought, it is my face they would recognize."
Three priests went for a hike one day.
It was very hot. They were sweating and were exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area, a group of ladies came along from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, two of the priests covered their privates, but the third one covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the first two priests asked the third why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The third replied, "I do not know about you, but I thought, it is my face they would recognize."
Old Hillbilly...
After living in the remote wilderness of Arkansas all his life, An old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly tramp he's runnin' around with!"
After living in the remote wilderness of Arkansas all his life, An old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly tramp he's runnin' around with!"
America!
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.
"Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of George Bush on the other."
"This I gotta see," replies the agent. With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent. "Go on home to New York."
"Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from New York?"
The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of Hillary Clinton in the middle.
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by the Customs Agent at the border.
"May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies the guy.
"Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of George Bush on the other."
"This I gotta see," replies the agent. With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent. "Go on home to New York."
"Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from New York?"
The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of Hillary Clinton in the middle.
In a Engineering University, during MATH class...
Student: Why do we need to learn this?
Teacher: To save lives !
Student: How does math save life ?
Teacher: It keeps Idiots like you out of medical college, in this way it saves many lives !
Student: Why do we need to learn this?
Teacher: To save lives !
Student: How does math save life ?
Teacher: It keeps Idiots like you out of medical college, in this way it saves many lives !
Surprise Surprise!!
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and was she surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy
Birthday"!!
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and was she surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy
Birthday"!!
hahahahahahahaha.In a Engineering University, during MATH class...
Student: Why do we need to learn this?
Teacher: To save lives !
Student: How does math save life ?
Teacher: It keeps Idiots like you out of medical college, in this way it saves many lives !
IMPORTANT: Please Change Your Passwords to avoid being botted. | Click for Discord
- No one is chatting at the moment.
-
Necrokiller:
The only valid thing from his pov he said in the video is AC dead since Black Flag. According to woke police that game was woke too. Welsh man in West Indies. So atleast he's consistent I guess lol -
Necrokiller:
It's based on an actual real life person so I don't think the woke police have a valid case here.
-
XPremiuM:
Meanwhile Ghost of Tsushima PC version is out now. Looks 100 times better than ASS Creed already. -
XPremiuM:
Did y'all see the new Assassin's Creed trailer? They finally made a AC set in Japan & then they put a negro as the male protagonist. Ubisoft is taking cues from Disney, and it isn't gonna end well for them, just like Disney. Go woke, go broke!
-
Necrokiller:
Phil should be held responsible for this shitfest too, just like Sarah, but it's highly likely that these decisions are coming from Satya. And this isn't even the end of it. More closures are coming.
-
SolitarySoldier:
if we are moving towards more and more popular trash across platforms that make billions for companies, I'm happy with all the barriers and exclusivity because at least that brings some pressure to create good stuff. -
SolitarySoldier:
Phil keeps talking about breaking barriers to gaming, making it accessible on all platforms yada yada, while killing competition and creativity at the same time. the fact that i actually believed him for a second lol
-
SolitarySoldier:
"These changes are not a reflection of the creativity and skill of the talented individuals at these teams or the risks they took to try new things" ... seems to me that's exactly what it is
-
XPremiuM:
Microsoft deserves all the hate they can get. Seriously i can't explain how much i want to curse them out.
-
XPremiuM:
They could've sold the studios instead of closing them, but the nazi bastards just didn't want competition down the road.
