The Official PG Jokes...

[mental]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, I don't think you understand, I want something very special.

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000, the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, We'll take it.

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon, he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. There's no money in that account.

I know, said the old man, but can you imagine the weekend I had?

 

[Alcadeias]

Wife comes home late at night ,And quielty opens the door to her bedroom !! ..
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two .. :|
She founds a baseball bat , and starts hitting the blanket as hard she can .. :S
Once she's done She goes to the kitchen to have a drink As she enters , she sees her husband there , reading a magazine :S
''Hi Darling '', he says
''Your Parents have come to visit us ,so let them stay in our bedroom ,hope you have said hello to them''
​

 

[Alcadeias]

Jin: What Do U Want ?

Boy: A Beautifull Wife​

​

​

​

...

Jin:

If U R Muslim!! I'll Give U Mahnoor Baloch ..

If U R Hindu!! I"ll Give U Katrina Kaif ..

&

If U R Christian!! I"ll Give U Angelina Jolie ..

Whats UR Name?

Boy: HAJI AKSHAY WILLIUM

Jin: Gave Him Firdous Ashiq Awan ..

For Trying To B Over Smart ..
​

​

====================================


A new vacuum salesman knocked at the door.
.
A lady opened it. Before she could speak,
.
the salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow shit on the carpet.
.
Salesman: Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in nxt 3 mins with my new powerful vaccum cleaner, i'll EAT all this Shit!
.
Lady: Do u need Chilli Sauce with that?
.
Salesman: why Madam?
.
Lady: Because there's no electricty in the house.
.
MORAL: Over smartness in PAKISTAN can b deadly
​

 

[Ashad Razavi]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

[achoo]

[h=6]Chuck Norris's gmail account: [email protected][/h]

 

[Ashad Razavi]

Hahahahaha. Chuck Norris is the man

 

[bathunter08]

hahaha

Spoiler: show

View attachment 65571[SPO

ILER][/SPOILER]

 

[Ashad Razavi]

A Penis Study
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with these findings, spent $13.27 (for a Playboy, Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) and concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

 

[Newton]

^^ loled on that one and it should be spoilered

 

[Ashad Razavi]

I don't know how to use spoilers

 

[Ashhad]

I don't know how to use spoilers

write [Spoler]blah blah blah [/Spoler]
i wrote the spellings of spoiler wrong so u can get it

 

[Ashad Razavi]

Spoiler: show

Ashhad

.........

 

[mental]

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.

************

*Sick Days*

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

************


*Personal Days*

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

************

*Toilet Use*

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.

At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.

After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company'smental health policy!

You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.

************

*Lunch Break*

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.

************

*Mails*

Don't read junk and forwarded mails.

************

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,

all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.

 

[mental]

There was a family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid, who just turned three.

Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea from father, kid's Mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

 

[mental]

A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her seat and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man.

Visibly furious, she called the air hostess.

"What's the problem, mam?" the hostess asked her

"Can't you see?" the lady said - "I was given a seat next to a black man. I can't seat here next to him. You have to change my seat"

- "Please, calm down, mam" - said the hostess
"Unfortunately, all the seats are occupied, but I'm still going to check if we have any."

The hostess left and returned some minutes later.

"Madam, as I told you, there isn't any empty seat in this class- economy class.
But I spoke to the captain and he confirmed that there isn't any empty seats in the economy class. We only have seats in the first class."

And before the woman said anything, the hostess continued

"Look, it is unusual for our company to allow a passenger from the economy class change to the first class.
However, given the circumstances, the commandant thinks that it would be a scandal to make a passenger travel sat next to an unpleasant person."

And turning to the black man, the hostess said:

"Which means, Sir, if you would be so nice to pack your handbag, we have reserved you a seat in the first class..."

And all the passengers nearby, who were shocked to see the scene started applauding, some standing on their feet."

 

[Ashad Razavi]

Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY
section.

 

[SaJJAd WaSeeR]

Awesome Jokes

Peshawar Ki Police Ka Bhe
Jawab Nhe Hai
1 Pathan Talaab Main Nha Rha Tha
Police Wala Kehta Hai
” Chal Ooye Bahr A Kar Kpry Pehan
Teri Talashi Leni Hy.
-------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxx-------------
Lahore ISI bomb blast k bad
Ek pathan ro rha tha
.
Major Rohail:
Zakhmi ho?
Koe aziz halak ya
zkhmi
Ho gya hy?
.
Pathan:Oy! Khocha hmara neswar
Shaheed ho gya hy
----------xxxxxxxxxxx-------------
Pathan interview dene gaya..
manager ne us se sawal poocha
what do you do..?
To pathan
nemanager ko bola
happy birth day to you…
-----------xxxxxxx--------
Pathan ur Anti Misba ke suhag rat
Pathan rat ko seeti le
Kr bahar jane laga
Anti Misba:
kahan
chale?
Pathan: oy hm suhag rat manae ga tu mohale
Ke chowkidari kon kre ga?
----------xxxxxxxxxx-------------
Pathan Watchman ne Sher (Lion) ka pinjra khula chhor diya..
Officer: Tumne sher ka pinjra lock nahi kya?
Pathan: Kya zaroorat hai, Usko kon chori karega?
------------xxxxxxxxx------------
Phatan: Aaj mene Rs.5000 ka Easyload krvaya, aur sab dosto/family ko SMS kr dye.
Major Rohail: Kyu?
Phatan: O G sunna hy ab SMS per 20 pyse Tax lagne wala hy
-----------xxxxxxxxx-----------
Pathan to 2nd Pathan: Yaar koi aisa Gift bata jo teri bhabhi k seedha Dil par lagay.
2nd Pathan: Goli maar day
-------xxxxxxxxx-------------
Dunya main woh kon si 2 cheezen hain jo ek doosray k baghair nahi reh saktin? Aur dono bekaar hain?
Socho
Aur Socho
Pathan aur Naswaar.

 

[Ashad Razavi]

Pathan jokes again. Awwww

 

[atiffjalal]

Peshawar Ki Police Ka Bhe
Jawab Nhe Hai
1 Pathan Talaab Main Nha Rha Tha
Police Wala Kehta Hai
” Chal Ooye Bahr A Kar Kpry Pehan
Teri Talashi Leni Hy.
-------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxx-------------
Lahore ISI bomb blast k bad
Ek pathan ro rha tha
.
Major Rohail:
Zakhmi ho?
Koe aziz halak ya
zkhmi
Ho gya hy?
.
Pathan:Oy! Khocha hmara neswar
Shaheed ho gya hy
----------xxxxxxxxxxx-------------
Pathan interview dene gaya..
manager ne us se sawal poocha
what do you do..?
To pathan
nemanager ko bola
happy birth day to you…
-----------xxxxxxx--------
Pathan ur Anti Misba ke suhag rat
Pathan rat ko seeti le
Kr bahar jane laga
Anti Misba:
kahan
chale?
Pathan: oy hm suhag rat manae ga tu mohale
Ke chowkidari kon kre ga?
----------xxxxxxxxxx-------------
Pathan Watchman ne Sher (Lion) ka pinjra khula chhor diya..
Officer: Tumne sher ka pinjra lock nahi kya?
Pathan: Kya zaroorat hai, Usko kon chori karega?
------------xxxxxxxxx------------
Phatan: Aaj mene Rs.5000 ka Easyload krvaya, aur sab dosto/family ko SMS kr dye.
Major Rohail: Kyu?
Phatan: O G sunna hy ab SMS per 20 pyse Tax lagne wala hy
-----------xxxxxxxxx-----------
Pathan to 2nd Pathan: Yaar koi aisa Gift bata jo teri bhabhi k seedha Dil par lagay.
2nd Pathan: Goli maar day
-------xxxxxxxxx-------------
Dunya main woh kon si 2 cheezen hain jo ek doosray k baghair nahi reh saktin? Aur dono bekaar hain?
Socho
Aur Socho
Pathan aur Naswaar.

Bro sm of them jokes are funny n sme are stereotyped n racist as shit.u better watch what ur posting bro.n man please dont mind but its becuz of people like you that we being a nation dont act like one.apnay mei hee racism aur discrimination kareingay tou baqi mulko kei logo sei kia gila.
n heres a joke for u bro

SaJJAd WaSeeR

14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!​

 

[SaJJAd WaSeeR]

Bro sm of them jokes are funny n sme are stereotyped n racist as shit.u better watch what ur posting bro.n man please dont mind but its becuz of people like you that we being a nation dont act like one.apnay mei hee racism aur discrimination kareingay tou baqi mulko kei logo sei kia gila.
n heres a joke for u bro

SaJJAd WaSeeR

14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!​

Lolzz i am not trying to discrimination