The ground reality of marriage is that men and women are equal in that marriage. No one has any forcible right over the other , even though you want such and such to happen.
That's the ground reality of marriage.
Anything else is just a set of rules people establish to make sure the man dominates in such a situation.
Setting boundaries in a relationship is a gender neutral phenomenon. You convey to your wife about what are your limits in matters of marriage and she is likely to let you know her limits. In this manner, boundaries are defined in a relationship.
Of-course, you give your wife the room to express her views about matters of your marriage. You are living with that person and your objective is to have a mutually beneficial relationship with her.
However, point is that what if your wife does not respect your concerns or agree with the boundaries that you have defined, then what? Try to answer this question. So far you have dodged this question with childish and amateurish claims. This is what burger mentality is about.
Burger and choodoo mard do not know how to enforce boundaries in relationships, they are psychologically emasculated and will take dictation from their wives in most matters. These men are logically not equal to their wives in their marriages, they are just like slaves in behavior.
Trust me, your wife will want you to respect her boundaries at all costs. If she doesn't, you are extremely lucky or more likely your wife have questionable morals. By same token, you would/should let your wife know what your boundaries are and they should be respected. This is how compromises are reached and boundaries defined in a relationship. And their should be consequences for violating "defined" boundaries of a relationship for both partners in a marriage. Otherwise, what is the point for setting boundaries in the first place?
I know you didn't say that.
But it's a sure way to show strength that you wish to showcase.
You want to be strong. YOu can HIT her if you WANT. Notice how I said it's just a want. You don't necessarily have to hit her. But you can , because that would make sure you are powerful !
Strength is not just about physical expression. You can be strong in many aspects like you can have a strong set of morals or you can be charismatic and vice versa.
Once again, answer the question above. If you have a non-cooperative wife, what are you going to do about it? Become a doormat or stand-up for values, if you are not in the wrong?
Great!
Now you are advocating that a wife who does everything for you.. but just refuses to wear the clothing you want, you should break your entire marriage for that one thing.
Do you realize how stupid you are sounding by every post?
I am sounding stupid? Why ask this question in the first place? You do whatever you want to do. You want to be a doormat for your wife, by all means do.
However, as I pointed out earlier, this is a matter of personal ghairat. Some men are OK with their wives getting objectified in the public by strangers but some are not. Count me among those who have more ghairat then you in this particular respect.
What if your wife decides to wear even more provocative clothing in the future, then what are you going to do? She doing everything for you is not an excuse to overlook her questionable behavior. She may tick the checkbox of "good wife" in your books but she still can be cheating on you on your back (not asserting your wife is like this but the point should be clear).
What are your boundaries in your relationship? Have you had a discussion with your wife about this matter?
Really ? Doesn't seem that way!
I shall make one thing clear to you: Do not TEST my patience with stupid remarks like this in your responses.
Don't assume that you know everything and that others are wrong. I am not trying to belittle you, I am trying to inform you that how real men think. Being a real man is not about being abusive to his female relations, he is real in the sense that he is wise, smart, have leadership qualities and knows how to influence his surroundings in effective ways. A real man also knows how to enforce his principles when the need arises. A real man does not likes to be a doormat. Now, not all men think like this, not everybody can become Churchill or Scholar or Napoleon. This is all about perception of being ALPHA and BETA in matters of life. Of-course, being an ALPHA doesn't means that you stop being sensible in matters of life, you just have stronger sense of self-worth in comparison to BETA.
Thankfully they don't have to be molded that way because they are already prostituting to fulfil their basic needs in different areas of Pakistan.
So Pakistani women are prostitutes in general, is this what you are trying to assert?
In Western societies, more then 90% girls are like prostitutes and by their own choice and not economic conditions. Do the math now.
Anyways, you are going off-topic here.
You don't wanna follow the West and its progressive society, yet you chose to live in a shallow world of our own society which hasn't progressed for the last 60 years and will NOT progress for another 100 years.
Where ignorance is bliss....... that's all I can say to you.
Another sign of burger mentality: burgers unquestionably believe in the supremacy of the WEST and think that it represents progressiveness.
Western societies are on the verge of reaching epitome of social decay in current times, if you have not yet noticed. These societies have a long history of barbarism and atrocities and they continue to follow this path. What is a great society? By developing beautiful cities, high-rise buildings, creating laws that favor women over men, a society doesn't becomes great.
A society is judged on the basis of its internal situation such as life-style of people, effectiveness of law and order system, checks and balances to ensure rights of both genders and not just one, mechanisms in place to weed out corruption and family structures.
Pakistan is indeed a highly corrupt society in many aspects but Western societies aren't much better in various aspects in comparison. Find a better analog if you want to. Even if you consider economic conditions, Western societies are doing poorly in this respect as well. Just look at the economic condition of most powerful Western nation in the world today, USA, it have hit a new low point recently. This happened due to spread of INDIVIDUALISM and CORRUPTION in this nation with passage of time.
As far as social progress is concerned, Western societies are the worst analogs to consider; institution of marriage (itself) is in decline in these societies.
Ignorance is indeed a bliss, applies to you.
My decision will not be of a alpha male trying his best to establish his dominance that's for sure
You are a BETA by nature then. Good luck with it.
No this is a personal matter of what you define as "Ghairat" and "Beghairti".
What may seem "Beghairat" to you doesn't necessarily make it "Beghairat" . As you said yourself, not everything is black and white
The concept of ghairat is same for every Muslim in the world. Islam teaches same conception of right and wrong to all of us. My Islamic values cannot be different then yours, if both of us are adhering to Islamic beliefs in proper fashion.
Islamic code of conduct for women involves practicing modesty which involves their dressing sense. A husband who claims to be a Muslim will not compromise in this matter. If you are then you are in the wrong.
I only agreed on the part that God has given man intelligence. It seems to me , my response flew over your head.
And strength too, both in physical and psychological aspects to be precise.
I have fully understood your mentality by now. Everything is becoming crystal clear as this discussion have progressed.
Are you trying to say this is something I won't read about anywhere, and has no proof except in your own head?
Are you trying to say, I should believe you because it comes out of your head?
Children may pick things from their parents, but they will not turn out the way they are because of a man who doesn't show strength.
For God's sake.
Jack the Ripper didn't become a murderer becuase his father was a murderer.
Children have the ability to learn a load of shit through other avenues too. Not just home !
I think that you need a major lecture about parenting ground realities.
Children are more likely to take a "strong and assertive" parent seriously. A parent who is disrespected by his own spouse, is not going to be a good role model for his children. Parents need to be very careful about how they cooperate with each other in matters of parenting and how they present themselves to their children.
This is common knowledge. God, I never knew that I would have to explain this ground reality to someone.
And you the perfect Pakistani male mentality.
So if I stand up for my values that are in accordance with Islamic values, I am to be ridiculed?
You sound ridiculous.
I advised you to do some digging on "doormat." It may open your eyes.
Here is a start:
8 Traits that Say You’re a Doormat in Your Relationship | Marcel Life Coaching
My course of action is not dependent on salivating and showing brute strength like a beast and saying this is my order and do it as you are enjoined to do.
And who advised you to behave like a beast?
Standing up for your values can be done in sensible fashion.
Why would someone marry a non-Muslim girl?
Are you really fucking kidding me? Why does someone do things they want? It's a choice goddamit.
This argument is getting stupider and stupider.
Did I marry a non-Muslim girl? Does it matter. My values are my own values. Not the values of a wannabe self-confessed Islamic who believes that his country is best in the world because they follow Islam, no matter where they are languishing at the bottom of the shyt hole.. Right?
My point is not stupid, it would be harder for you to reach common ground on matters of values since you and your wife come from different backgrounds (Assuming that you have a non-Muslim wife).
Analogy: a Muslim wife will understand your concern in relation to modesty much more easily then a non-Muslim wife. This is a matter of compatibility factor in the aspect of values of right and wrong.
No.
A man can be a very successful husband and a complete joker at work and other parts of life.
If you don't believe me , I 'll give you examples.
Their are exceptions in every aspect but we focus on norm, not exceptions.
It was not a baseless generalization.
It was just to tell you , that you forcing someone to do something does not make them do it because of their love for you , but because of their fear for you.
Fear can get you respect but never love.
Keep going that route if you want But that's certainly not what i want.
And oh btw, please stop with the doormat analogy.
It's people like you, who treat every situation as win or lose matter , that makes men of Pakistan the state they are in.
Extreme denial
Your generalization have nothing to do with my assertions in this matter. I didn't advice you to FORCE your "way of life" on your wife but their are certain matters in which you need to define limits or boundaries for your marriage. These are your "expectations" from your wife in your marriage. All sane couples define boundaries in their relationships, this happens in Western societies too. This isn't about controlling your spouse but to define the shape of your marriage. Both husband and wife mutually define boundaries in their marriage.
Not defining boundaries is not a wise way to steer a relationship. People should know that you have a sense of self-worth and that you are not to be walked over. You have expectations from your partner that SHOULD be met for relationship to flourish.
If you just decide to be a doormat in your relationship by not setting boundaries in your relationship, you are not doing yourself any favor. You will be spoiling your wife in the long run with this kind of mindset. Real men don't do this and take precautionary measures, real women too.
