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    Thread: The Official PG Jokes...

    1. #1
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      The Official PG Jokes...

      What are the three fastest ways of communication?

      • Telephone
      • Television
      • Tell-a-woman.

      The positive thinking poem.

      • Little birdy in the sky,
      • You look up and it shits in your eye.
      • You don't mind and you don't cry,
      • You just thank God that cows don't fly.
       

    2. #2
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      Hey guys here some thing to chear you guys up...


      STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:

      BOY : May I hold your hand?
      GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

      GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
      BOY : You love me...

      GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
      BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

      GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
      BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

      GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
      BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

      MAN : You remind me of the sea.
      WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
      MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

      WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the
      other.
      HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of
      the mouth.

      MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
      PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

      Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
      Pupil : "The moon".
      Teacher : "Why?"
      Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
      us light only in the
      day time when we don't need it".

      Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
      no longer interested?"
      Pupil : "A teacher".

      Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
      Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

      My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current
      affairs.

      Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
      Sam : "It's a family tradition".
      Teacher : "What do you mean?"
      Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
      Teacher : "What about your mother?"
      Sam : "She's a woman".

      Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
      what virtue would I
      be showing?"
      Student : "Brotherly love".

      Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
      Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

      Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
      Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
      people die of the
      disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The
      others all died".

      Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
      Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at
      the same time."

      Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
      tree, but also admitted
      doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
      Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand
       

    3. #3
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      Here are some more Jokes for you guys hope you laugh...and forget what happen to PG and laugh you way on the top sopt again.


      1. I“ve written a poem for you:
      Twinkle twinkle little star,
      you should know what you are,
      and once you know what you are,
      Mental hospital is not so far.

      2. Hi i am dying to c u, i want to talk to u seriously, but I cant get 2 u, dis stupid gatekeeper is asking me 4 a ticket to enter the zoo!

      3. The rain makes all things beautiful.
      The grass flowers 2.
      If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

      4. what is the difference between MONKEY and DONKEY ?
      MONKEY will read this message and DONKEY will skip this message ...
      What you will do ?

      5. Interviewer: what is your birth date?
       

    4. #4
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      Ask For Salary Increase.

      One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!

      Dear Bo$$ In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon. Your$ $incerely, Norman $oh



      The next day, the employee recieved this letter


      Dear NOrman,I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.Yours truly, Manager
      Likes JaWaD JD, ArslanSSS, Nouman Malik liked this post
       

    5. #5
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      LAW OF THE JUNGLE
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked
      both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a
      pair of Nikes.

      His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to make you
      run faster than that tiger?"

      I don't have to run faster than that tiger, his friend replied. "I just have to
      run faster than you".

      So that the Tiger can catch u not me hehehehe...
      Likes cobby liked this post
       

    6. #6
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      Tony from Italy
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Tony had come over from Italy a short time ago and his English was not very
      good.

      His wife had a bad case of crabs in her pubic hair, so Tony went to the drug
      store and asked the clerk, "My wife, she has'a bugs in the bush".

      The clerk though that Tony's wife had insects in her garden and gave Tony a
      bottle of insecticide and told him to use one tablespoon per gallon and spray
      the bushes and that would get rid of the bugs.

      Tony took the insecticide home and thought the infestation in her pubic hair was
      so bad, he would spray it on straight out of the bottle.

      Several weeks later Tony was in the drug store and the clerk ask him, "How are
      the bugs in the bush doing?"

      Tony said, "The bugs, they are gone, my wife's bush all gone, too. By the way
      you hear about my neighbor Joe?". "He had a beautiful mustache and it all fell
      out and later that week Joe died.

    7. #7
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      uff ..it sucks ..i dont remember any jokes :/ ... these jokes here are pretty good JChang


      normally .. i laugh at very minor things ..this is a an ISSUE actually ..in the class specially ..when very serious lectures are going on ..and some of my stupid friends would do something funny.i. just cant stop my smile and/or laugh at times ... most of the times it means an early EXIT from the class

      one of my computer instructors has this habit ...whenever he sees me laughing in the class ..he'd just ask me if it was a joke and if it was then i shud tell it to the whole class ..now here again ... i dont have many jokes to tell ..so i just keep quit and that simply makes the professor say onething "Abbas, aap class se baahir jaasaktay hain"

      anyway ... that shows how bad i am at telling jokes .. here's something thats my alternative for what i was supposed to write here ..i hope you guys enjoy it .. unless u hav a boring personality and are not interested in poetry

      Chand sitaray teray naam.
      Khaab hamaray teray naam..
      Rim Jhim Barish teray naam..
      Jhil Mil Taaray teray naam..
      Tu Thora sa apna hai......
      Aur hum Saaray teray naam..
      Khushbu aur sardi ki Dhoob..
      Meray Pyaray teray naaaam..
      Titli, Badal, Rung, Bahar..
      Mausam Saaray teray naam...
      Dunia hum say haar gaii..
      Aur hum haaray teray naam..
      Chanda, Phool, Mohabbat, Dhoop..
      Kitnay Pyaray teray naaam..!!~

    8. #8
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      A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
      The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
      The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
      Likes WH4Y liked this post
       

    9. #9
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      Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.

      Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
      Tech Support: "What does it say?"
      Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
      Tech Support: "Look at your machine
      . Is there a floppy inside?"
      Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

      Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
      Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

      Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
      Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

      Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.

      Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
      Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."

      Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
      Customer: "Ok."
      Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
      Customer: "No."
      Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
      Customer: "No."
      Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
      Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

      Customer: "Now what do I do?"
      Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
      Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
      Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
      Customer: "How do you spell that?"

      Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
      Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
      Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
      Likes WH4Y, pakipaki liked this post
       

    10. #10
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      Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
      One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?"
      "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
      So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?"
      "Intelligence," the boss said.
      "What do you mean, 'intelligence'?"
      The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can."
      The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree.
      The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
      The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?"
      "He said we are down here because of intelligence."
      "What's intelligence?" said the friend.
      The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
      Likes WH4Y, saad51233 liked this post
       

     

     

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