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In my ways of Life...

Children

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This post was written over 3 or 4 years ago. I haven't blogged for a LONG LONG time. I plan to start again, for there are so much in my mind that needs to be shared with you people. Let's hope I find the time and inspiration.

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Its 2am... A time when people usually sleep... I'm up. Got nothing much to do really. Just listening to music and writing this...

Anyways... I was in a shop somewhere yesterday and I saw a mother scolding her child because she wanted something. I saw the tears in the little girl's eyes and my heart went out to her... My emotions work in a strange manner. I might shed a tear or two reading a book or watching a movie, but I hardly ever cry at funerals. I guess thatís got something to do with the level of attachment.

Anyways... The Little Girl... She just stood there with tears in her eyes, her confidence crushed by the woman whom she considered the kindest and most loving in the world.

However I was happy to see that eventually, before leaving the shop, her mother bought her what she had wanted. She was happy.

Our society wants to constrict childhood more and more. Perhaps it has to do with not wanting to be caregivers anymore because we are either too busy, or too fearful. We want kids to grow up more quickly. We offer them rewards for being more and more adult-like in their behavior rather than child-like.

Children need someone to reassure them that their play - their own, unique, imaginative play - is something to be valued. We need to value them for who they are... and not for something they will grow up into.

We need to remember how it was when we went through this phase. It is this understanding that will lead our kids, and ultimately us, to success.

I'm a teenager. I'm glad my parents are very understanding. They don't expect me to behave the way they themselves do. True, they laugh at me when i wear chains or imitate Eminem's singing, but that's not bad. They don't scold me. It is this understanding that everyone needs to have. A kid is a kid. He shouldn't be expected to behave like an adult.

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I'll start writing soon. Till then, take care and be good to people.
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  1. Gameover's Avatar
    But what the mother did was part of child's training as well - you don't just buy everything your child asks for maybr the kid was habitual that's why her mother scolded her.

    i am not in favour of buying every thing my child will ask for - this way they will just get this habit. children will be children thats for sure no parent likes to scold their children unless its good for the child. off-course children dont get it when they are young - but when they become mature they understand.

    other wise these same children stand and say "App bachpan may mujhay rok bhee saktay thay is kaam say".

    just because they are children you cant set them loose to do what ever they like
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  2. ASKnASK's Avatar
    Scolding children is not the right thing to do. In our brief psychology course, we were told that children who are scolded excessively over their demands end up with serious issues in their adult life. Not obvious issues but things like excessive blabbering when in company (yeah too much talking), smoking and stuff like that.

    However, certain control must be exercised otherwise the kid will end up being a spoiled brat. But then again, one should also consider that this is the truly innocent part of their life... Why not just let them enjoy it.
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    Updated 03-07-10 at 03:36 PM by ASKnASK
  3. Shyber's Avatar
    Wonderful observation Ask. Very nice indeed. I too believe that scolding might close out children from us and they might be intimidated into hiding their feelings and even lying. That's disastrous.

    A child's mind is beautiful. There are MANY ways to handle a kid in a situation like this without scolding him. If he wants something and is crying for it, then it's definitely not a choice between scolding and buying that.
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  4. CrashBandicoot's Avatar
    I live in a society where beating children is forbidden by law for parents,and its a disaster.
    Children are outr of control,and 70% of the crimes are done by teenagers.
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  5. Syavash's Avatar
    Personally I think, reasoning with children and talking witth them helps alot more than scolding them which just pisses them off and makes it less likely for them to listen to you.

    Still if things get drastic, such as in safriz's society, scolding works too.

    As for behaving like a child, I am a teenager as well, I behave like an adult with adults and behave like a child with children. In my opinion being serious and adult like all the time or acting like a child all the time gets annoying, you should act according to whom ur with shoulndnt u?
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  6. Ottoman's Avatar
    There should always be a balance between things. Children need scolding because it`s a very important part of their upbringing. The parents of today give their children a free hand and that`s a reason why they`re so rude nowadays. I`ll give an example below:
    It`s actually a pain in the ar** to eat peacefully in a restaurant. Children running and shouting at the top of their lungs while their parents sit indifferent/oblivious to their child`s actions. I never had the guts to do that when i was small

    And very well written blog Asim. I remember reading that 3 years ago
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  7. Crow's Avatar
    Well there are the really sweet children that no one wants to scold and they're just lovely and cute all around.

    And then there's others... whom you can't help but shout at. -_-

    But really, I dislike all children in general. They're very annoying. Sure, yeah, I was a child once - I've seen movies of myself when I was 12 - and MAN I was an annoying child too. I would seriously smack myself if I were there.

    On a more serious note: raising children is a huge responsibility that unfortunately, not many people are very well adept at. This is why I never want to have children because I don't want to be responsible for someone else's misery...not yet anyway.
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    Updated 03-07-10 at 07:25 PM by Crow
  8. Ali250's Avatar
    Like some other people have said, if you give a child everything that he/she demands, then you'll just end up spoiling him and making his future life a lot more miserable. Sure during childhood parents are able to give most of whatever a child demands, but as he grows older, so his demands grow bigger and bigger until a point comes where its outside the parents reach to cater to them, that's when the child will become depressed or infuriated because he's accustomed to getting whatever he demands and he'll have one heck of a shock once he enters professional life cuz obviously the entire world never works how you want it to.

    Scolding a child EVERY single time he asks for something is wrong, sometimes parents shouldn't hesitate in buying them, sometimes they should explain to the child, and sometimes they should be very firm and blatantly refuse.

    P.S. The bit about the child getting that thing after crying is actually more worrying. NEVER change your course of action if a child protests, this will just teach them that they can get their own way with things if they cry enough and it'll turn them into whiners who cry all the time.

    It`s actually a pain in the ar** to eat peacefully in a restaurant. Children running and shouting at the top of their lungs while their parents sit indifferent/oblivious to their child`s actions. I never had the guts to do that when i was small
    I always think about that too. I remember whenever I used to even raise my voice when i was young my parents would notify me and ask me to turn it down. Sure it felt really annoying back then but now I'm glad I wasn't like these annoying brats who are a pain in the arse for everyone around them.
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  9. Ali250's Avatar
    Wonderful observation Ask. Very nice indeed. I too believe that scolding might close out children from us and they might be intimidated into hiding their feelings and even lying. That's disastrous.

    A child's mind is beautiful. There are MANY ways to handle a kid in a situation like this without scolding him. If he wants something and is crying for it, then it's definitely not a choice between scolding and buying that.
    A bit of intimidation at times is required, otherwise he'll grow up to be an arrogant jerk.(Most) children ARE innocent, they don't intentionally mean harm, but they're too immature to know any better and more then half the time they need to be corrected, and scolding is one way to do that (though it shouldn't always be adopted).
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  10. Ali250's Avatar
    Wonderful observation Ask. Very nice indeed. I too believe that scolding might close out children from us and they might be intimidated into hiding their feelings and even lying. That's disastrous.

    A child's mind is beautiful. There are MANY ways to handle a kid in a situation like this without scolding him. If he wants something and is crying for it, then it's definitely not a choice between scolding and buying that.
    A bit of intimidation at times is required, otherwise he'll grow up to be an arrogant jerk.(Most) children ARE innocent, they don't intentionally mean harm, but they're too immature to know any better and more then half the time they need to be corrected, and scolding is one way to do that (though it shouldn't always be adopted).
    0 Likes, 0 Thanks
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