by, 09-10-11 at 01:56 PM (1833 Views)
I've been throwing this word around a lot lately and I just want to talk about it. I'm sure this won't lead anywhere, I really just want to write my thoughts down.
When I was younger, I saw the world through my own expectations. There was a lot of it I didn't know and I tended to fill in the gaps by assuming things. Sometimes I inferred these from what I heard from adults and sometimes I dared enough to ask other adults questions and filled in little blanks every time I learned something new. By the time I was a teenager I thought I had everything figured out, but then I was faced with a lot of new things.
I hit puberty, I learned about sex. It was shocking and strange and very weird because my parents didn't tell me about it and I had very little idea of how this thing worked. Nevertheless, I didn't ask questions, simply inferred that the norm is to "not talk about it". It's a taboo subject, you do not reference genitals or sexual acts, which is inappropriate. You do not talk about it openly, only hint at it. No one has sex before marriage and talking to girls and looking at girls is inappropriate. I filled in the blanks.
Guys in my school would do these things and it frustrated me endlessly - this is not OK, this is not right, this is not how things should be. This is not how the world looks like from my mind's eye. Endless frustration leading to endless depression. I couldn't cope with it. I couldn't cope with my conception, and our nation's conception of the world, and what actually exists.
I reached college. People here were civil and didn't talk about such topics, much more like myself. One thing here altered my perception of things.
A friend talked about "dating". I thought these dates were simply two people going out and talking about things and sharing their lives. Actually, most of these dates led to sexual activities, sometimes even full blown intercourse. Two of my friend would often skip college to go hang out with their girlfriends. Obviously, this came as a massive shock to me. People have sex before marriage?! Intelligent, civil, well-read people do such horrible activities?! Blasphemy!
So my worldview went from "No one has sex before marriage" to "Some people have sex before marriage".
Fast forward to university, a couple of things happened. Firstly, I became irreligious, but this did not change most of my moral positions. In the last two years I've learned more about the world than the rest of my life combined and come to a conclusion which I will bring up in the end. A few of the things that I learned that were contrary to what my parents told me:
1. Most youngsters have (or have had) girlfriends and taken them on dates.
2. At least, half of them have been involved in some sexual activity or the other.
3. Kissing on the lips on a date is no big deal.
4. Porn is extremely common, you can buy pornographic DVDs from most CD shops. But most people just watch porn on the internet.
5. Masturbation is, on the contrary, a big deal. But many people still do it.
6. Smoking tobacco, sheesha and/or charas is lol super-common and normal.
7. Many people frequently have sex with prostitutes, people from good families. Not just cheapsters.
8. Many people drink alcohol. It's often served in parties and such.
9. People who say swear/curse words are normal, everyday people who think like you do.
Regardless of this, there is an overarching denial towards all of this. These things are extremely common and all I had to do was walk outside of my house to see them. Why do we choose to deny them? Why do we insist on a self-image that is the complete opposite of what actually exists?
These people who indulge in a few, or all of these activities, also go to the jumma prayer and believe in Allah and pray to Him frequently and celebrate Eid and consider themselves good Muslims and talk about becoming more religious. They think a little bit of wrong is OK, it doesn't hurt anyone. They're good Muslims at heart and will not hear a word against Islam, but they do the exact opposite of what they think is right.
Our nation is suffering from something I'm going to call mass hypocrisy. It's when we all know something is inconsistent, that there is some double-standard going on, but we turn a blind eye to it because it doesn't suit our interests. Yet, we are somehow obsessed with the idea that what we're not is what we should be.
I have no judgment to make on this yet. These are simply my observations. Time will tell if I'm inclined towards a certain view, but right now, I simply want people to be true to themselves and to stop lying. Case in point...